From Stuck to Unstuck
I hit a block again. And I’m honestly not surprised.
Momentum is a funny, albeit tricky, little bastard. It gets me wound up, excited, hopeful. I’ll be on top of the world thinking I got my mojo back and I’ll have a million and one ideas. But just as soon as it appears it runs off and hides again, leaving me asking what just happened. This time, I’m not tolerating that nonsense.
Writing is about more than having that momentum. It takes discipline and determination. Relying on momentum to carry me through the messier parts of writing is bound to end in disaster. And by disaster I mean me abandoning this site after only 4-5 posts. Not today, Satan.
On Tuesday afternoon I got home from another two hours of driving for UberEats feeling defeated and ticked off. Five trips completed and less than $20 earned. One $3 cash tip. Sure I was grateful for having earned that money, but it felt like I had worked my ass off for little return. It’s not unusual in that line of work, but some days are worse than others.
Topping off my blah day was a crappy junior cheeseburger and value fries from Wendy’s. A small snack I picked up in the drive-thru to settle my growling belly and tame the cranky bitch inside me. It didn’t help much, as expected, but it did get me to chill for five seconds.
I was tired and pissed off. In recent weeks the little things don’t get to me nearly as much as they used to, but both Monday and Tuesday tested my nerves. Although I could put on a smile for customers, doing it at home proved challenging. If I could say something snotty and snarky you can bet your ass I did.
But even with that shitty attitude there was still one more thing to handle: Writing today’s blog post. Except, I was stuck.
Earlier on Tuesday I had sat down and set a timer for 30 minutes with the goal of finishing up one of the three drafts and scheduling it for today. I was still in a good mood and sufficiently caffeinated with a decent cuppa joe (well, about as decent as Maxwell House is gonna get anyway). With music blaring in my ears I put fingers to keyboard and wrote two sentences, maybe three then stopped. I hit a block and couldn’t work past it.
“Ya know, maybe I’m just not feeling it today. I’ll try a different draft. Maybe that’s the right one for tomorrow.”
The same thing ended up happening with two other drafts sitting and waiting to be completed. I later told John that I probably just hadn’t fleshed out my ideas well enough. Still, I knew a post had to happen. I committed myself to it and damn it I was going to complete it. That’s how this post came about. And, as if by magic or something weird out in the universe (is that evil bitch Mercury in retrograde again?), the words came flying off the keyboard.
To be honest I can’t help thinking that my rage toward a second shit day with UberEats led to that magic. There are times where all it takes is me being fired up over something trivial to get me to sit my ass down and write.
What can I say? I’m an emotional person with a smidge of pent up anger. I’ve done better at calming the fuck down and being a more stable, rational person but some days that shit just ain’t going to happen. Rage and a ton of curse words are about the only thing getting me through the day. Like Monday. And Tuesday.
Today will be a better day, right? Right? Bueller?
Well at least one thing is for certain: New posts will be up on Monday and Wednesday next week. Maybe I’ll talk about what I’ve been reading. Or watching. Who knows? Just have to wait until then.
See you next week.