Five or six weeks ago, before four cancelled appointments and being re-assigned to a different therapist, I was convinced therapy would not help my angry, frustrated self. I asked myself, “What the hell good is eight weeks of therapy going to do when I have giant wasteland of issues to deal with?” True to my usual self, I was ridiculously cynical.
Fast forward to now and with three sessions under my belt and I can honestly say my viewpoint has changed dramatically…and for the better. I’m sure taking Lexapro daily for the past two months has also helped.
I’m less critical of myself, less judgy and far more self-aware. I’m happier (happy is questionable to some extent), calmer and I’ve experienced a great deal of clarity in several aspects of my life. Let’s not talk about those weird ass dreams I have though. Not yet.
Some of you might be thinking, “Three weeks? How can that much change in three weeks?”
Oh, you cynical bastard you. I was once there. Three or four weeks ago I would have thought (and maybe even said out loud) the same thing.
It seems I may have hit the therapy jackpot. My therapist is awesome. She gets me to think without being all up in my grill about my issues. It’s a conversation, not a Dr. Freud-esque session where I lie on a couch and hear, “So how does that make you feel?”
She points out, nicely, when I am being judgy to either myself or to people and situations in my life. She also asks questions that make me more aware of what I am saying and follows up asking me how I felt about the previous week.
And rather than try to change who I am, she looks for ways to allow me to be me, only a better and happier version that isn’t so damn critical of herself.
It seems simple enough and probably something along the lines of “Well, duh. That’s her job.”
But I’ve been in situations in the past where therapy is more like “Let’s change you into something you’re not.” Umm, bite me.
I’m still a tad cynical (okay, fine, a little more than a tad) and still have that sharp, biting wit but I can see that I am overall more positive and a lot less of a tired, cranky asshole. That rears its ugly head more often when tired, hungry or in need of caffeine.
Things are finally getting better, folks. The depression that once kicked my ass is retreating and I’m feeling a lot more like my usual self and less like the tired, cranky, confused and frustrated Kim I was for several months.
I still have several sessions of therapy left to go this summer and I’m looking forward to each one.
Now, would someone please pass me the coffee? I’m a little tired over here…and surprisingly not cranky. To quote Charlie Sheen: WINNING!