Dear Hamster Who Has Yet to Be Named,
I am getting so close to firing you and banishing you from my brain. You see, all week I have been trying to write something, anything. And yet, nearly everything that finds its way onto my screen is pure rubbish.
Oh sure, you might squeak and say, “But it’s your damn inner editor’s fault! HE is the one criticizing every damn thing you manage to get onto a draft!”
You’d be right about the criticizing but when it comes to needing you for getting good ideas and writing something I actually like you’re too busy napping. Hell, you could be up there getting drunk for all I know.
It seems like the only time you’re actually doing anything is when I am asleep and getting these bizarre dreams. Seriously, what the fuck is up with that? Ferris wheels named Portlandia? My professors? Riding a motorcycle? Making the small town of Gilroy, California a Route 66 town? I don’t get it. Listen, we can work together you know. And you also can work with that drunken editor of mine and help me out here. I know it’s summer and it’s a great time to be lazy. But here’s the thing, we have this blog to run. There are people who actually read this. Someone other than my husband and a few friends.
I have no idea what you want other than a break, ya lazy bastard. I can’t say I blame you though. This past semester was an ass kicker and I put you through the wringer.
How about this: Let’s play! Let’s have fun! Let’s work together to write silly posts. Posts about frolicking through splash pads and lazy summer nights spent on the balcony sipping cheap wine. Posts about books and upcoming road trips. Posts about the random shit my husband and I say at times.
Whaddya say, hamster? Can we do this?
What’s that? You want a name other than hamster? We can work on that! How about we send it out to the readers and see what they come up with?
Friends, it’s up to you. Let’s give hamster a name and see if he’ll work with me more often. Hey, it could happen. Maybe. I doubt it but if I go the snarky route he could be an ass and refuse to do anything even with a name. So I’m just going to give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens.
I’ll choose a name from the suggestions and announce it on my fan page in one week. Sound good? Awesome. Happy naming!