After my post about my cats being assholes, Pip started acting a little weird around me. Standoffish. It was almost the kitty version of giving me the middle finger. I had to wonder, “Did I say something wrong? Melvin and Arlen seem cool. What is Pip’s deal?”
Being the curious mama I am I finally cornered him and asked what his problem was. He said he didn’t like the post and wanted to offer a rebuttal. Since I am all for open dialogue and I want to at least try to keep the peace in the Ulmanis family, I decided to hand the spotlight over to him.
Pip, have at it.
Hello, Kim’s readers. Nice to be here. I guess. I mean, yea I asked Kim if I could do this whole rebuttal thing but you know, I’m a cat. My interest in things changes quickly. Attention span? What’s that? SQUIRREL!
I saw Kim’s post and felt I had to stick up for myself and my fur brothers, Arlen and Melvin. Now, I’m not gonna lie. I do pick on Arlen…a lot. But I’m the baby of the family and I’m prone to mischief.
Didn’t Kim pay attention when the adoption agency said I loved to play? I swear, that woman claims to be observant but sometimes…sheesh.
Interjection from Kim: HEY! Be nice!
Pipe down, Kim. I know it’s your blog but you did give me the spotlight so shush.
*grumbles* Damn cats.
* evil glare* Moving on…
Look, I’m not a bad kitty. I just have my way of doing things throughout the day. The scratching thing? Dude, I like to scratch. Do we need to go over this whole “I’m a CAT” business yet again?
If I’m scratching too much that might mean my claws need to be clipped. Call those people you call grandma and grandpa to come over and take care of it.
And that waking you up in the morning thing? Look, I don’t know how to tell time. How should I know you’re not supposed to be awake yet?
Also, let me ask you something: What the hell is up with that water spraying thingie? Haven’t you figured out it doesn’t stop me from scratching or chasing Arlen around the apartment?
Folks, let me let you in on a little secret: She and daddy lock me in the bathroom sometimes, especially when I’ve been chasing Arlen or doing that scratching thing they seem to not like. I keep hearing them say something that sounds like “kitty jail.” I don’t know what kitty jail is but since I’m trapped I’m guessing that’s bad.
Interjection from Kim…Listen, you’re only in there for a little awhile. We do it so we can get back to sleep for a bit.
I dunno. I guess I really can’t complain. Kim and daddy are good kitty parents. They feed us well, give us fresh water, pet us, and show us a lot of love. Sure we’re assholes sometimes but it’s really just because we like to play and have fun. I’m still young so why not?
Maybe someday, when I’m an old fart like Melvin, I’ll stop picking on my older brother. Right now, I’ve still got a lot of kitten left in me and I’m gonna use it to my advantage.
Kim, Kim’s readers…I’m really not that much of an asshole. I swear. I can’t promise I’ll behave but hey, at least I nap most of the afternoon. That counts for something, right? I hope so. And now Kim is telling me she wants her laptop back. Some rebuttal this was. Me-YOW!
*purrs and cuddles* Later ya’ll! – The Pipster
Back to Kim…
So he’s not much of a writer. I guess that’s to be expected. He is a cat after all. Pip, thanks for your thoughts. I promise I’ll try to be nicer to you and stop calling you an asshole.
Just do me a favor, please: QUIT WAKING US UP!