I’ve been doing this blogging thing for going on six years. In the blogging world, that puts me at near ancient. Blogging predecessors, those who began earlier than I did (we’re talking Y2K here, folks), would probably say they’ve doing it since the age of the dinosaurs. Maybe they’re right.
But let’s focus on me. Or rather, let’s focus on this blog.
It’s gone through so many changes over the years. Design mostly, but also content. My restlessness, coupled with having no damn clue who the hell I was, had me changing things on a near daily basis. It was ridiculous, but that’s how I roll.
While reading my friend Liz’s recently relaunched blog, the wheels in my head started to turn ever so slowly.
Side note: A snail would have moved faster.
An hour later and I was staring at my blog’s dashboard wondering what to do. Then I clicked on posts while also looking at the site itself.
Page after page of nonsense. Posts that were indicative of someone who had no clue what the fuck they were doing but were pretending they did. Sure, we’re all our own worst critic and this, of course is no different. Still, something bugged me. So I decided to kill my blog. Well, most of it.
I decided that I couldn’t keep my blog as it had been for so long. I couldn’t keep the crappy posts that made a high school essay look like a literary masterpiece.
Post after post went from published to draft. Some met with the virtual trash can. The rest are still sitting in draft, awaiting their fate. Waiting for their number to be called. Waiting to find out if they’ll ever see the light of day again or if they’ll be sent to the trash.
At this point, I have no damn clue what is going to happen with this blog. I haven’t had a need, much less an interest, in writing in a couple months now. Stress and being cooped up daily with little going on other than a daily “How the fuck are we going to get through this unemployment nonsense?” freak out doesn’t encourage writing. Having a spouse who is constantly home doesn’t help either.
I’m very much a solitary writer so when I want to write I need people, husband included, to be away from me and leaving me the fuck alone. My husband did leave the apartment numerous times during his search for full-time employment, but I was often not in any mood to write.
In hindsight I probably should have clicked the X on my game’s tab and started writing anyway just so my writerly habits wouldn’t go bye bye.
But, they did and this blog went silent and has been for what…2 months now?
When I started unpublishing posts, I’d often read older posts to be sure that killing this blog was really what I wanted to do. Eventually I became ruthless as I read posts from 2012, 2013, and part of 2014.
After doing so, I had only one thought after reading most of them: “What the fuck was I thinking?”
As I said, I have no damn clue what is going to happen to this blog. Although the domain name expires in July, it’s not likely I’ll let it do so. I’ve had this site for too long to just let it go that easily. That and knowing me the writerly senses will start tingling sooner or later and I’ll be busy tapping away at the keyboard.
My husband is employed again and my only distraction now are those four-legged furballs that are known to meow incessantly. Thankfully they spend much of their day napping in various places around the apartment.
I might write once a week. I might not. I’m still trying to figure all of this out. In the meantime, I’m just going to do what I can to not let another two months go by without a post. But don’t hold your breath. Just don’t.