I was sitting in the car on recent road trip with my husband and had a thought: “I need to write a post and schedule it for Monday morning.” We were still a couple hours away from Bakersfield and I was, oddly, bored. My laptop was in my bag just behind my legs and it would have been easy enough to reach down to get it and start writing. I even had a few ideas running through my head.
Instead of doing so, however, I continued to stare out the window or grab my phone to check Facebook for the millionth time in a one hour span. “Write, damn it. WRITE.” I kept telling myself.
Eventually, the inevitable happened: We got to our motel room later that evening and, after dealing with having to switch rooms because of a noisy kid in the room above us, I ended up being too damn tired to write a single word.
The wine was flowing, Bridesmaids was playing in the background and any interest or need to put words on the screen went bye bye, much like the cheap cabernet I was drinking.
“Really, Kim? Really? What was this bullshit about writing more consistently this year?”
Shut up, brain. Just shut. up. This being a writer thing is hard sometimes, damn it.
Couldn’t argue though. Like some of the other changes I’ve been making this year (including attempting to be a responsible, functioning adult), this was one that was high on the priority list.
Now it’s Tuesday morning and my head is pounding. Why I don’t know, but whatevs. I set up a playlist on Spotify, put in my earphones so my husband could see that I was to be left alone for a bit and got to work.
With Adele, Colbie Caillat, Bruno Mars and a small assortment of 80s blasting in my ear this post slowly came to life. Stream of consciousness writing, essentially. Maybe it makes no sense, but that need to publish, to start posting consistently even if it initially sucks is sticking to me like an octopus on the face.
The realization that I needed and wanted to be more consistent, for once, came late one night while reviewing last year’s posts and stats. It was a dismal year for writing. For blogging. I deleted numerous posts and questioned why I still do this. I threatened to take down this blog once and for all.
On a night where frustration was running high, I screamed “I should just get rid of the fucking thing. No one reads this crap. I suck. I don’t have a life and nothing worth writing about. Why the fuck do I even bother?”
But despite that anger I knew that if I gave it up I’d be even more pissed. I’d be taking away my one place where I could write freely and publicly. My place to swear, vent, rant, even tell the world to go fuck itself if need be. It was then I decided that damn it, I am going to start publishing a new post twice a week. To just let ‘er rip, so to speak.
No, it’s not going well and true to my usual self I’m already kicking my own ass. And yes, I know better. But I do it anyway. The one bright side is that it’s still January and February is standing close by waiting to welcome the world. It’s still early in the year and there’s plenty of time to get my shit together.
Do you blog regularly? If so, how often do you post? Have you made any goals to write more this year? Less? About the same?